Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

I wish you could see that things are different now. I'm not who I was.

I used to blame you for everything that I was going through. Now I take the blame.

I'm sorry for being such a fool. But I'm moving on past all of that.

I know I'm the reason I'm alone. But it's how I want it.

I know who I want to be, I envision it, and I'm moving towards it one day at a time. Each day I grow stronger and past memories become more faint.

I'm sick of reaching for something when I know it will only bite back. I know how the story goes. I'm sick of repeating it.

But enough of that. I'm thinking about the future. I'm free. I am not bound to anything, and it brings me the greatest joy. My life is simple and uncomplicated. The only complications are those in my mind and they are gradually unravelling. I'm still far from where I want to be, but I'm doing good. I'm gonna be alright. In fact, I'm gonna be wonderful.

Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I'm filled with regret and shame. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I scream. But other times... Other times I smile.

Thank God I know who I am.

Water: My New Bestfriend

About a week or so ago I discovered that I was dehydrated. I was drinking about 2 cups of liquid a day, and hardly ever water. Once I realized the problem and why I was so fatigued, I started drinking a lot of water. I invested in a cute little water bottle that I now take everywhere with me. I've gone from drinking hardly anything to around 3 liters of water a day. I feel so much better and I have more energy. Only down side is that I'm going to the bathroom almost every hour!!!

Not your problem?

So the other day at work I asked this man if he would like to donate $1 to the Muscular Dystrophy Association. He replied, "I have enough problems of my own to worry about someone else's." I just proceeded to take his order, but couldn't help but thinking about what he said.

Last week I was at Dobbs Honda getting my oil changed. I overheard a woman in the waiting room commenting about the news on tv. She was complaining about the U.S. always helping out other countries. She said, "They have wars, tsunamis, earthquakes, and we always run to their rescue. It's not our problem!" I wanted to yell at her and say, "Do realize what you just said?!?!" "It's not our problem?"

Yesterday I was driving home through a 4-way stop and I saw that one part of the 4-way stop was backed up at least 15 cars, and the car at the front had died. Two men were trying to push it out of the way, but were having trouble. And out of however many cars, no one else could get out to help??? I guess it wasn't their problem.

I could start listing all of the things wrong with this attitude, but I won't even start. I might hit somebody.

Waiting for a Day

I can't wait for the day when I can get involved in a Bible study group, when I have time to invest in friendships, when I can spend a Saturday doing nothing and not feel guilty, when I can work my butt off for more than minimum wage, when I can spend time with all of the people that get my leftovers (or nothing), when I can sit and read a good book, when I can finish all of the writing projects I've had for years, when I can make a trip to visit family, when I am without stress...

I graduate in about 4 weeks. Maybe this day will be soon???