I've decided that I need to start blogging more. I think it would be good for me. There's so many things I want to change in my life and I feel like getting some things out through writing would be beneficial. I'm not very fond of who I am right now and I know who I don't want to become, so I'm deciding who I do want to become. Hope that makes sense... So this post might be a little random, but I'm just going to share some things.
Lately I've felt frustrated with the fact that so many times when I am spending time with someone it seems like they are the ones who do all the talking. Don't get me wrong, I love to listen. I've learned how important it is. I want people to know that they are loved and what they have to say matters. And sometimes people don't need someone to give commentary on everything that is said, they just need to talk. I understand this and try my best to be a good listener and friend. It's not always something I succeed at, but I try. However, at times I wonder, "Who will listen to me?" It's not a huge deal, but here lately it seems that every time someone asks something, they don't stay to hear the answer, or when I talk their eyes start to wander and they lose interest, or they don't hear me, or they speak so continually that there is no chance for me to get a word in. (Note: I never have this problem with my mom--one of the many reasons she is my best friend.) So the other day the thought crossed my mind that I have a loving God who is just waiting for me to share my heart with Him. I didn't take time for it to sink in, but let it pass. On Sunday Mom needed me to work in the nursery both services, and from what I heard it was a GREAT service. Well, I was hanging out with the 2 and 3 year olds... But our lesson was more that what I needed. The lesson was about God being a great friend and that we can talk to Him about everything. We can thank Him for all He has done for us, ask Him for help, and ask Him for forgiveness when we mess up. We can talk to Him anytime, wherever we are. As simple as it is, ya'll I had CHURCH with the 2 and 3 year olds. When I started to share the lesson with them I may have gotten a little too into it and I'm sure they probably didn't understand much of what I said (they get distracted easily...), but it hit home with me.
More and more I'm seeing that everyone has junk in their closet. And there is absolutely no one perfect, or even good. And it's time for us to get real. In September I was trying to decided which small group I should go to for the fall (small group is like a church Bible study group). I looked at a few and saw one in particular that I though I should join, but then was hesitant. I knew most of the people in the group and felt that they had all their stuff together, that I didn't fit in with them, and that I would most definitely be judged if they knew all the stuff in my life. But when the leader of the group called to invite me, I had to say yes. I won't lie, the first few weeks were kinda hard for me. I wasn't exactly comfortable. But then the more I got to know everyone, the more I realized what I had in common with them. And then, two weeks ago we split up guys and girls to share time when either God had not answered prayers like we thought He would or when we had made mistakes and couldn't see how any good could come from them. One of the girls opened up and shared some really tough stuff. Then almost everyone went around and told things that they were dealing with. I even got up the nerve to share a deep struggle I have. Then we all prayed for each other. By the end, I don't think any of us had dry eyes. I know it shouldn't have surprised me, but I thought to myself, "These are REAL people!" They have problems too and I'm not alone! Oh how refreshing it was... We shouldn't be surprised. Everyone has junk. Everyone has difficult circumstances, sin, and heartache. We live in a broken world. And the only way we're going to make it through and live the lives we were created for, is to get real with each other, lock arms, and walk together through the good and bad.
