My posts become more and more infrequent... And as they do, the gaps between become harder and harder to bridge. Life. is. crazy. And sometimes... it scares me. I feel like every couple years I go back to square one. And I have to do a reassessment. I have to ask myself, "What are you doing? What is most important? What are the fundamentals of your life? Where are you going from here?" Those aren't easy questions. But they are necessary ones. If I can't answer those questions, if I can't answer my fears and doubts... my life, my faith... is only paper thin. Each time we answer, we build on our foundation. I am so much stronger than where I was a year ago, 3 years ago, 5 years ago.... Thank you Father for bringing me to where I am and please shine your light on this place.
Things I'm thankful for... Soul music. Beauty of the woods in fall. My family. Salsa dancing. Peace. Coffee. The rich, exquisite sound of a piano well played. Books. The warmth of a fire. My eyesight. That life only has to be as complicated as you make it. Love.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
French Post
Why do so many things have to be French??? French toast, French fries, French twist, French press, French roast, French bread, French kiss, French braid, French doors, French maid, French manicure, French vanilla... Are the French really responsible for all of these things??? Or does adding "French" just make things cooler and more sophisticated?
And... Why do we call it a Chinese fire drill??? I mean, where do they get these things??? I need to do some research...
And... Why do we call it a Chinese fire drill??? I mean, where do they get these things??? I need to do some research...
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Those things with a man & woman exchanging vows...
I've decided to boycott weddings. I'm through. They're just depressing. And, I mean, who really enjoys them anyway? You have to clear your schedule, spend money on a gift (and wedding gifts aren't cheap), listen to an old man say things you've heard a billion times, make conversation with people you don't even know, and sit around being bored until it's "safe" to leave, only to be ignored by the bride and groom who couldn't care less that you're there. Ok... So there is one perk... The food. But let's just say that's compensation.
Monday, December 5, 2011
To Fight
I'm ready to fight. I'm going to fight bad, okay, and even normal. Passivity will not be a defining word. I'm taking full responsibility for my actions. And I'm going to make good ones. I'm going to climb up this mountain.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Real
I've decided that I need to start blogging more. I think it would be good for me. There's so many things I want to change in my life and I feel like getting some things out through writing would be beneficial. I'm not very fond of who I am right now and I know who I don't want to become, so I'm deciding who I do want to become. Hope that makes sense... So this post might be a little random, but I'm just going to share some things.
Lately I've felt frustrated with the fact that so many times when I am spending time with someone it seems like they are the ones who do all the talking. Don't get me wrong, I love to listen. I've learned how important it is. I want people to know that they are loved and what they have to say matters. And sometimes people don't need someone to give commentary on everything that is said, they just need to talk. I understand this and try my best to be a good listener and friend. It's not always something I succeed at, but I try. However, at times I wonder, "Who will listen to me?" It's not a huge deal, but here lately it seems that every time someone asks something, they don't stay to hear the answer, or when I talk their eyes start to wander and they lose interest, or they don't hear me, or they speak so continually that there is no chance for me to get a word in. (Note: I never have this problem with my mom--one of the many reasons she is my best friend.) So the other day the thought crossed my mind that I have a loving God who is just waiting for me to share my heart with Him. I didn't take time for it to sink in, but let it pass. On Sunday Mom needed me to work in the nursery both services, and from what I heard it was a GREAT service. Well, I was hanging out with the 2 and 3 year olds... But our lesson was more that what I needed. The lesson was about God being a great friend and that we can talk to Him about everything. We can thank Him for all He has done for us, ask Him for help, and ask Him for forgiveness when we mess up. We can talk to Him anytime, wherever we are. As simple as it is, ya'll I had CHURCH with the 2 and 3 year olds. When I started to share the lesson with them I may have gotten a little too into it and I'm sure they probably didn't understand much of what I said (they get distracted easily...), but it hit home with me.
More and more I'm seeing that everyone has junk in their closet. And there is absolutely no one perfect, or even good. And it's time for us to get real. In September I was trying to decided which small group I should go to for the fall (small group is like a church Bible study group). I looked at a few and saw one in particular that I though I should join, but then was hesitant. I knew most of the people in the group and felt that they had all their stuff together, that I didn't fit in with them, and that I would most definitely be judged if they knew all the stuff in my life. But when the leader of the group called to invite me, I had to say yes. I won't lie, the first few weeks were kinda hard for me. I wasn't exactly comfortable. But then the more I got to know everyone, the more I realized what I had in common with them. And then, two weeks ago we split up guys and girls to share time when either God had not answered prayers like we thought He would or when we had made mistakes and couldn't see how any good could come from them. One of the girls opened up and shared some really tough stuff. Then almost everyone went around and told things that they were dealing with. I even got up the nerve to share a deep struggle I have. Then we all prayed for each other. By the end, I don't think any of us had dry eyes. I know it shouldn't have surprised me, but I thought to myself, "These are REAL people!" They have problems too and I'm not alone! Oh how refreshing it was... We shouldn't be surprised. Everyone has junk. Everyone has difficult circumstances, sin, and heartache. We live in a broken world. And the only way we're going to make it through and live the lives we were created for, is to get real with each other, lock arms, and walk together through the good and bad.
Lately I've felt frustrated with the fact that so many times when I am spending time with someone it seems like they are the ones who do all the talking. Don't get me wrong, I love to listen. I've learned how important it is. I want people to know that they are loved and what they have to say matters. And sometimes people don't need someone to give commentary on everything that is said, they just need to talk. I understand this and try my best to be a good listener and friend. It's not always something I succeed at, but I try. However, at times I wonder, "Who will listen to me?" It's not a huge deal, but here lately it seems that every time someone asks something, they don't stay to hear the answer, or when I talk their eyes start to wander and they lose interest, or they don't hear me, or they speak so continually that there is no chance for me to get a word in. (Note: I never have this problem with my mom--one of the many reasons she is my best friend.) So the other day the thought crossed my mind that I have a loving God who is just waiting for me to share my heart with Him. I didn't take time for it to sink in, but let it pass. On Sunday Mom needed me to work in the nursery both services, and from what I heard it was a GREAT service. Well, I was hanging out with the 2 and 3 year olds... But our lesson was more that what I needed. The lesson was about God being a great friend and that we can talk to Him about everything. We can thank Him for all He has done for us, ask Him for help, and ask Him for forgiveness when we mess up. We can talk to Him anytime, wherever we are. As simple as it is, ya'll I had CHURCH with the 2 and 3 year olds. When I started to share the lesson with them I may have gotten a little too into it and I'm sure they probably didn't understand much of what I said (they get distracted easily...), but it hit home with me.
More and more I'm seeing that everyone has junk in their closet. And there is absolutely no one perfect, or even good. And it's time for us to get real. In September I was trying to decided which small group I should go to for the fall (small group is like a church Bible study group). I looked at a few and saw one in particular that I though I should join, but then was hesitant. I knew most of the people in the group and felt that they had all their stuff together, that I didn't fit in with them, and that I would most definitely be judged if they knew all the stuff in my life. But when the leader of the group called to invite me, I had to say yes. I won't lie, the first few weeks were kinda hard for me. I wasn't exactly comfortable. But then the more I got to know everyone, the more I realized what I had in common with them. And then, two weeks ago we split up guys and girls to share time when either God had not answered prayers like we thought He would or when we had made mistakes and couldn't see how any good could come from them. One of the girls opened up and shared some really tough stuff. Then almost everyone went around and told things that they were dealing with. I even got up the nerve to share a deep struggle I have. Then we all prayed for each other. By the end, I don't think any of us had dry eyes. I know it shouldn't have surprised me, but I thought to myself, "These are REAL people!" They have problems too and I'm not alone! Oh how refreshing it was... We shouldn't be surprised. Everyone has junk. Everyone has difficult circumstances, sin, and heartache. We live in a broken world. And the only way we're going to make it through and live the lives we were created for, is to get real with each other, lock arms, and walk together through the good and bad.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Seeing Eyes
Life is always full of so many twists and turns and uncertainties... But we step out into the unknown anyway. I feel like I'm being led to take my life away from Memphis for awhile, but the longer I'm here the more needs I see and want to see through. From the homeless man I pass every Wednesday to the 4th graders needing help in school to the widow all alone to the young woman in need of guidance to the refugees wanting to learn English... My heart is so big, yet my body is so small. Sometimes I wonder how I could ever leave Memphis, but then I'm reminded that there will always be needs and that needs will abound wherever I go. If only I have the eyes to see.
"Tell me how much you know of the suffering of your fellow men, and I will tell you how much you have loved them."
Helmut Thielicke
"Tell me how much you know of the suffering of your fellow men, and I will tell you how much you have loved them."
Helmut Thielicke
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
All in Perspective
When I sit down to write the first thought is "Where to begin..." It's always my question, then comes a deep sigh, and stillness until the thoughts begin to flow. I've had so many thoughts running around in my mind today. When you're bored, I guess that's just what happens. Right now I'm at the most wonderful yet uncertain places. I have no plans, no commitments. And I have no idea what this next year will hold for me. Before I left for Costa Rica, I was enrolled in grad school. Now I've decided to postpone that endeavor. I have no doubt I made the right decision in doing that. But now what? Chile, Honduras, Africa, Costa Rica... Only God knows. And I'm counting on Him to lead me.
Right now I'm in Yazoo City, Mississippi visiting family. I've always enjoyed coming down here for the most part. But it seems that I realize more and more how I don't fit in. And many in my family definitely don't understand me. I was talking to my aunts about what it's like traveling by myself. One aunt said that she's scared to just go to the state capital by herself-- and they speak English! But last night I thought about how easily I accept other cultures and see their value, but at times I don't do the same for the culture that I come from.
I've been learning a lot about not judging others and love lately. When I see myself and my faults clearly, it is so much easier to love others. Humility and love are key. It's so crazy how as you grow up you look back and go "Now I understand!!" We must always remember that there are so many things that we don't know about people, situations, and life. So we just have to stay humble and love. Love, love, love. Even when you don't want to or don't think they deserve it. Who are we to judge or withhold love? Do you know who you are? Take a look in the mirror, buddio, and remember the Man on the cross. I hope this lesson sinks deep in my soul. It's something I need to learn.
Right now I'm in Yazoo City, Mississippi visiting family. I've always enjoyed coming down here for the most part. But it seems that I realize more and more how I don't fit in. And many in my family definitely don't understand me. I was talking to my aunts about what it's like traveling by myself. One aunt said that she's scared to just go to the state capital by herself-- and they speak English! But last night I thought about how easily I accept other cultures and see their value, but at times I don't do the same for the culture that I come from.
I've been learning a lot about not judging others and love lately. When I see myself and my faults clearly, it is so much easier to love others. Humility and love are key. It's so crazy how as you grow up you look back and go "Now I understand!!" We must always remember that there are so many things that we don't know about people, situations, and life. So we just have to stay humble and love. Love, love, love. Even when you don't want to or don't think they deserve it. Who are we to judge or withhold love? Do you know who you are? Take a look in the mirror, buddio, and remember the Man on the cross. I hope this lesson sinks deep in my soul. It's something I need to learn.
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