I wonder why, just a little

I'm always wanting something more
Life is a riddle

I wish I had the answer for
Love breaks your heart

To teach you to be strong
I die, just a little

So I can live a little bit more

Leigh Nash

What a Beautiful God

"O taste and see that the LORD is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" Psalm 34:8

Oh the Lord is so good... He is always faithful to be all that I need. He is my strength, my comfort, my help, my joy, my provider, my protector, my savior, my hope. Yes, life is not easy, but only He can give me perpetual joy through it all! He is more than enough for me. He will always be with me and walk with me through each day. Oh that all would know His redeeming love...

God is teaching me so much right now. He's holding the mirror up to my face and showing me those things that need to change. One of the most important things I'm learning is just to know God. If I make Him my focus and seek to know Him, everything else will work out. If I seek Him daily and spend time with Him then He will pour into me and give me strength so that I am able to pour out from the overflow that comes from knowing Him. My purpose is to know Him, honor Him, and become like Him. I also must give Him complete control of my life. Every thought, attitude, action, and word. Every day I must die to myself and allow Him to reign in me. Complete surrender. It is impossible for me to do it in my own strength and that is why I depend on Him. He is showing me the blessing of obedience to Him. I can be so stubborn sometimes... "He must increase, but I must decrease." Mark 3:30 The key to everything is abiding in Him constantly. Oh how I am overcome by the Lord's love and grace. He is so patient with me. He even says that I am His delight! It is so hard to grasp that His love for me never changes. It doesn't matter what I do or don't do, He loves me the same. What a beautiful God.

As I look into the stars

Pondering how far away they are
How You hold them in Your hands
And still You know this man
You know my inner most being, oh
Even better than I know, than I know myself
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God
And what am I, that I might be called Your child
What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I, what am I
As I look off into the distance
Watching the sun roll on by
Beautiful colors all around me, oh
Painted all over the sky
The same hands that created all of this
They created you and I
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God
And what am I, that I might be called Your child
What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I
That You might die, that I might live
What am I, what am I, what am I, what am I

Beautiful - Shawn McDonald

Hope?

There are about 6 situations I'm in right now that I don't want to be in. Everything in me wants to just run away. However... I know that won't make them go away. The thing that really makes me cringe is that I got myself into each one of them... I am a complete mess. Really, I am. Lately I have even been questioning my sanity. I am constantly having to pick myself up off of the floor. The only thing that gives me any clarity of mind is spending time with the Lord. I am utterly dependent on Him. He is the only place that things make sense. Oh how I am so hopeless without Him. I plead with Him not to give up on me... I'm on my knees in the morning telling Him how I surrender, long to obey, and desire His will and then go and get in the way, doing things my way. Do I really trust Him? Do I truly believe that His way is the absolute best? Am I willing to follow and leave everything behind? Why is there such a disconnect between knowing and doing? This is why I cannot live without Him. I am completely dependent on His grace and forgiveness. Left on my own, I follow death. He guides me into life. Oh how I despise my flesh... May there be hope for me yet... My gaze is drawn upward into the heavens. The Father cups my head in His hands, looks at me in complete love, and whispers His words that soothe my soul. My heart leaps, realizing who it is that looks at me. There is victory in the Lord! There is hope!

John 16:33

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

Waffles

I'm reading a book called The Orphaned Anything's by Stephen Christian, the singer for Anberlin. It's incredible! It's a fictional memoir of Ayden Kosacov who is blunt with the reality of life and dripping with sarcasm. I absolutely love it! And another amazing part of the book is that Christian included a list of songs to read the book to on the back page!!! Pure sweetness... :)

I just ate three waffles for breakfast.

Guess what the brilliant Alex Fancher did Monday night? You're not gonna believe this... Well, if you know me well then you might... haha Well first I'll let you know that Sunday night my left heel finally healed up after I had a blister then scab for like three weeks from some stupid shoes. So Monday I went to some friends house and I was walkin' out of one of the girl's room and shut the door not on the door frame, but on my RIGHT HEEL! I screamed and fell on the couch in dire pain. I've done this before, but never so bad as to put a gash in my heel that bled all night! One of the girl's tried to save me with a SpongeBob band-aid. Oh it doesn't stop there. After I got home I began folding and putting away laundry. I was putting up some towels in the linen cabinet and then walked into the bathroom leaving the cabinet door open. (You can see where this is going...) I turned back around and "BAM!" my head hit the cabinet door full force! I sunk to the floor and cried... Is there any hope for me? I got a bruise and knot on my nose from it hitting the knob and my heel proceeded to bruise and swell up along with the large gash in it. What to do, what to do...

A Beautiful Year

Once again, another year passes... So much can happen in a year. Two thousand nine was so full. There was good, bad, old, and new... I have changed so much in one year. I am so ready for this new year. I need a fresh start. I can't wait to see where the Lord takes me this year! It's easy to dwell on all of the things I didn't do in 2009, failures, struggles, pains, and mistakes. However, I'm looking ahead! I will learn from the past, move on, and look with bright expectation on the future! There are so many things to be appreciated and cherished from 2009 as well. I will take these things to heart and look forward to the future. As C.S. Lewis said, "There are better things ahead than any we leave behind."

Philippians 3:12-14

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.