Lessons Learned from a Night of Boredom

1. When you don't have any plans, don't leave the house! (Driving around doesn't solve the problem.)
2. Don't go to Hernando. There's nothing to do there.
3. Don't try to collaborate with Chelsea. She's no help.
4. Do not text everyone in your phone book looking for something to do. That's too desperate and you'll only get rejected. Save yourself the sorrow.
5. Don't follow people in your car to see where they're going. They will only go to Walmart.
6. Don't go to Sonic. You're past high school.
7. Don't call your little brother. You'll only find that he's more popular than you.
8. Don't resort to prank calls. You'll only sound like an idiot.
9. Don't try to make friends with people at red lights. They don't care that you have nothing to do.
10. If you're bored and don't have plans on a Friday night, just go to sleep.

In Need of Redemption

As each day passes I am more convinced of human depravity and our need of a Holy Savior and Redeemer.

A Crying Heart

Do you ever get fed up with life? It's like you know how you want it to be and what it should be, but you're just not there!

Friends, relationships, people, humans... We're all so messed up. I was just about to rant about how I'm so sick of people and being let down, but then... I looked in the mirror and realized that I'm one of them.

Do you ever just want to scream? Do you ever want to cry? I have no reason for it, but then I have millions at the same time. This is where I am.

Undistracted Devotion

Distractions. What constitutes as a distraction? How do you even realize distractions? Isn't that part of it? You don't realize you're even being distracted! And when you do realize it, sometimes it's a little late. I know you're probably wondering what exactly I'm talking about... I'm just talking about stuff in life that just takes your focus off of what you truly want or need. My purpose in life is to bring glory and honor to God with my whole life. I am to humble myself, love, and make much of God. I should live my life making the most of every moment with my dreams, purpose, and goals before me. Distractions just mess that all up. I think the key is to realize when we are starting to be distracted. Realizing them for what they are and that they aren't what we're truly after. We so easily lose sight of the big picture and settle for momentary pleasure or happiness.  I think this chapter in Proverbs gets the point across wonderfully-- especially the last three verses.  

Proverbs 4

Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father,
And give attention that you may gain understanding,
For I give you sound teaching;
Do not abandon my instruction.
When I was a son to my father,
Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother,
Then he taught me and said to me,
"Let your heart hold fast my words;
Keep my commandments and live;
Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding!
Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.
"Do not forsake her, and she will guard you;
Love her, and she will watch over you.
"The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom;
And with all your acquiring, get understanding.
"Prize her, and she will exalt you;
She will honor you if you embrace her.
"She will place on your head a garland of grace;
She will present you with a crown of beauty."
Hear, my son, and accept my sayings
And the years of your life will be many.
I have directed you in the way of wisdom;
I have led you in upright paths.
When you walk, your steps will not be impeded;
And if you run, you will not stumble.
Take hold of instruction; do not let go
Guard her, for she is your life.
Do not enter the path of the wicked
And do not proceed in the way of evil men.
Avoid it, do not pass by it;
Turn away from it and pass on.
For they cannot sleep unless they do evil;
And they are robbed of sleep unless they make someone stumble.
For they eat the bread of wickedness
And drink the wine of violence.
But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn,
That shines brighter and brighter until the full day.
The way of the wicked is like darkness;
They do not know over what they stumble.
My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your sight;
Keep them in the midst of your heart.
For they are life to those who find them
And health to all their body.
Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
Put away from you a deceitful mouth
And put devious speech far from you.
Let your eyes look directly ahead
And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
Watch the path of your feet
And all your ways will be established.
Do not turn to the right nor to the left;
Turn your foot from evil.

Long Time

It’s been a while since I’ve written. But it’s time. So much has happened in the past six months. It’s crazy. I wish that I could write everything, but my fingers would be tired. Ha Above all, the Lord is so good. He continually blows me away with His goodness and complete faithfulness. He’s taught me so much.

So just a snapshot of what the Lord has been doing lately in my life…

One of the girls in my small group finally gave her life to the Lord two weeks ago and it was absolutely amazing! I’ve been praying for this girl for at least a year and talking to her about salvation. She finally surrendered to God. :) I’ve been so excited! I actually dedicated a post to her back in December entitled “Lovely Sad Eyes.” I have been able to see the sadness turn to joy. What a remarkable God I serve!

One of my best friends got married. She’s the first of my close friends to tie the knot. It’s been an adjustment, but I’m so happy for them. The Lord has had His hand on them from the very beginning and I have been so blessed to see the Lord work in their lives. May God receive all honor and glory from their lives as they are joined together!

I’ve come to a place that is so cherished, but often forsaken—satisfaction in the Lord. Contentment in singleness.

The Lord has brought me through a struggle with depression and given me joy that comes from Him alone.

The Lord has taught me the balance between pouring out and being filled. He has shown me my Martha tendency and drawn me to His feet. I understand that story more than I ever have.

Every plan that I have ever made has been turned on its head. I’ve learned not to make plans, but instead trust God with the future and follow each step as He leads. The adventure is sweeter like that anyway. :)

The Lord has opened my eyes to the enormous mission field here in my backyard. I have fallen in love with it. I only pray that my desire to share God’s love grows as each day passes. In the words of Ann Kiemel, “I’m out to change my world!” Read her book if you need a little inspiration! Oh and Crazy Love by Francis Chan too!

Recent cd purchases: City of Black & White by Mat Kearney, Not without Love by Jimmy Needham, & Kari Jobe (self-titled)
All amazing!

Pray for me. I need more of Jesus, I’m full of failures, I have struggles, I’m sinful, I waste time, and I’m prideful. Like I said, I need more of Jesus.

I quit my job at the end of May. Everyone thinks I’m crazy. It’s okay, I had my reasons and I haven’t regretted it. However, it’s been humbling and I’m trusting the Lord more deeply.

I will be attending the University of Memphis in the fall. I’m totally stoked, but also kinda nervous. Major: Spanish. (The Lord better know what He’s doin! Haha)

I deleted both my Facebook and MySpace. It was one of the best decisions I've made all year. I've rebelled against social networking and it has been completely liberating! I have a whole book's worth of reasons why, but I won't bore you. All I can say is, "DO IT!!!"

I’m not the same girl I was a year ago.

I’ve learned the precious treasure of solitude. I’ve been on two camping trips by myself. They were wonderful! Just another reason people think I’m crazy… ;) An eventual goal is to jump on a plane by myself.

I’ve come so far, but yet have so, so, so far to go…

I leave you with this…
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
Annie Dillard

Reaching Higher

This needs no preface...

Excerpt from "Screwtape Proposes a Toast" by C.S. Lewis:

The claim to equality, outside the strictly political field, is made only by those who feel themselves to be in some way inferior. What it expresses is precisely the itching, smarting, writhing awareness of an inferiority which the patient refuses to accept.

And therefore resents. Yes, and therefore resents every kind of superiority in others; denigrates it; wishes its annihilation. Presently he suspects every mere difference of being a claim to superiority. No one must be different from himself in voice, clothes, manners, recreations, choice of food: "Here is someone who speaks English rather more clearly and euphoniously than I -- it must be a vile, upstage, la-di-da affectation. Here's a fellow who says he doesn't like hot dogs -- thinks himself too good for them, no doubt. Here's a man who hasn't turned on the jukebox -- he's one of those goddamn highbrows and is doing it to show off. If they were honest-to-God all-right Joes they'd be like me. They've no business to be different. It's undemocratic."

Now, this useful phenomenon is in itself by no means new. Under the name of Envy it has been known to humans for thousands of years. But hitherto they always regarded it as the most odious, and also the most comical, of vices. Those who were aware of feeling it felt it with shame; those who were not gave it no quarter in others. The delightful novelty of the present situation is that you can sanction it -- make it respectable and even laudable -- by the incantatory use of the word democratic.

Under the influence of this incantation those who are in any or every way inferior can labour more wholeheartedly and successfully than ever before to pull down everyone else to their own level. But that is not all. Under the same influence, those who come, or could come, nearer to a full humanity, actually draw back from fear of being undemocratic. I am credibly informed that young humans now sometimes suppress an incipient taste for classical music or good literature because it might prevent their Being Like Folks; that people who would really wish to be -- and are offered the Grace which would enable them to be -- honest, chaste, or temperate refuse it. To accept might make them Different, might offend against the Way of Life, take them out of Togetherness, impair their Integration with the Group. They might (horror of horrors!) become individuals.

All is summed up in the prayer which a young female human is said to have uttered recently: “O God, make me a normal twentieth century girl!” Thanks to our labours, this will mean increasingly: “Make me a minx, a moron, and a parasite.”

Meanwhile, as a delightful by-product, the few (fewer every day) who will not be made Normal or Regular and Like Folks and Integrated increasingly become in reality the prigs and cranks which the rabble would in any case have believed them to be. For suspicion often creates what it expects. (“Since, whatever I do, the neighbors are going to think me a witch, or a Communist agent, I might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb, and become one in reality.”) As a result we now have an intelligentsia which, though very small, is very useful to the cause of Hell.

But that is a mere by-product. What I want to fix your attention on is the vast, overall movement towards the discrediting, and finally the elimination, of every kind of human excellence – moral, cultural, social, or intellectual. And is it not pretty to notice how “democracy” (in the incantatory sense) is now doing for us the work that was once done by the most ancient Dictatorships, and by the same methods? You remember how one of the Greek Dictators (they called them “tyrants” then) sent an envoy to another Dictator to ask his advice about the principles of government. The second Dictator led the envoy into a field of grain, and there he snicked off with his cane the top of every stalk that rose an inch or so above the general level. The moral was plain. Allow no preeminence among your subjects. Let no man live who is wiser or better or more famous or even handsomer than the mass. Cut them all down to a level: all slaves, all ciphers, all nobodies. All equals. Thus Tyrants could practise, in a sense, “democracy.” But now “democracy” can do the same work without any tyranny other than her own. No one need now go through the field with a cane. The little stalks will now of themselves bite the tops off the big ones. The big ones are beginning to bite off their own in their desire to Be Like Stalks.

Whispers of Love

Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone;
Have a deep soul relationship with another;
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to the Christian says,
"No...not until you're satisfied, fulfilled,
And content by being loved by Me alone,
Having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone,
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of that perfect human relationship I planned for you.
You'll never be united with another until you've been united with Me.
I want you to stop planing, stop wishing and allow Me
To give you the most brilliant plan in existence;
One that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best.
Please allow Me to bring it to you;
You just keep watching Me,
Expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing things.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you
Just wait-- that's all--
Don't be anxious and don't worry,
Don't look around at others and the things I've given them
And don't look at the things you want.
Just keep looking off and away up to Me.
Or you'll miss Me and what I want to show you.

Then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than any you would ever dream of.
Until you're both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I've
Prepared for you - you won't be able to experience the love
That exemplifies your relationship with Me
And is thus the perfect love.

Dear One, I want you to see, in the flesh, a picture
Of your everlasting union of beauty, perfection,
That I offer you with myself.
For I AM GOD---
Believe me and be satisfied."

-Unknown

Longing for Warmth

I have no idea what's going on. I feel so beat down right now... I guess that's good, sort of? Humility is a good thing, but right now I'm just so confused. What does the Lord want from me? What am I supposed to be doing? Why are the friendships I have in my life? Why do I keep messing up and falling on my face? Do I make any progress? I feel so far from where I want to be... If I knew changing towns would solve my problems, I would do it; but I know that's not the answer. I just told someone last night that if we just keep our focus on the Lord then everything else falls into place. If we keep seeking Him, He makes everything clear and purposeful... Now I'm the one who needs to hear that. How do you fix things? How do you make things like they should be? Why can't I get back wasted time? Why did I have to waste time in the first place? Why does life get so much harder with age? Why are things so complicated? Do I make things complicated? Why can't I be simple? Why do I overanalyze everything under the sun? Why do I keep asking questions...? I'm so tired. The Lord has been so good to me lately and the time I've spent with Him has been precious. He's so faithful and always there for me. I just want to be loved, cared for, appreciated, respected, valued... That feels so far away... So distant. I feel like I'm out in the arctic... Alone and cold. Longing for some warmth. I need to spend some more time at my Father's feet. He is oh so faithful to be everything I need. The Lord has done so much in my life lately. But some days are just yuck... No fun. The Lord just continues to prune me and cut me back. It hurts, but I know it's good for me. I guess that's what I'm feeling right now. I so want every piece of my life to be under God's control... I want to be surrendered fully to Him and honor Him with my whole life, trusting Him in everything. I want my passion for Him to overflow. I want to be like Jesus. I want to love like Him, act like Him, talk like Him, give like Him... "Dear Lord, please help me to die to self." It makes me hurt and cry inside when I know I have made Him frown. Thank the Lord for His grace! This song by Kari Jobe resonates with my soul...

Your kindness, leads me to repentance
Your goodness, draws me to Your side
Your mercy calls me to be like You
Your favor is my delight
Every day, I'll awaken my praise
And pour out a song from my heart

You are good, You are good, You are good,
And Your mercy is forever
You are good, You are good, You are good,
And Your mercy is forever

Your kindness is forever, Your goodness is forever
Your mercy is forever, forever