Longing for Warmth

I have no idea what's going on. I feel so beat down right now... I guess that's good, sort of? Humility is a good thing, but right now I'm just so confused. What does the Lord want from me? What am I supposed to be doing? Why are the friendships I have in my life? Why do I keep messing up and falling on my face? Do I make any progress? I feel so far from where I want to be... If I knew changing towns would solve my problems, I would do it; but I know that's not the answer. I just told someone last night that if we just keep our focus on the Lord then everything else falls into place. If we keep seeking Him, He makes everything clear and purposeful... Now I'm the one who needs to hear that. How do you fix things? How do you make things like they should be? Why can't I get back wasted time? Why did I have to waste time in the first place? Why does life get so much harder with age? Why are things so complicated? Do I make things complicated? Why can't I be simple? Why do I overanalyze everything under the sun? Why do I keep asking questions...? I'm so tired. The Lord has been so good to me lately and the time I've spent with Him has been precious. He's so faithful and always there for me. I just want to be loved, cared for, appreciated, respected, valued... That feels so far away... So distant. I feel like I'm out in the arctic... Alone and cold. Longing for some warmth. I need to spend some more time at my Father's feet. He is oh so faithful to be everything I need. The Lord has done so much in my life lately. But some days are just yuck... No fun. The Lord just continues to prune me and cut me back. It hurts, but I know it's good for me. I guess that's what I'm feeling right now. I so want every piece of my life to be under God's control... I want to be surrendered fully to Him and honor Him with my whole life, trusting Him in everything. I want my passion for Him to overflow. I want to be like Jesus. I want to love like Him, act like Him, talk like Him, give like Him... "Dear Lord, please help me to die to self." It makes me hurt and cry inside when I know I have made Him frown. Thank the Lord for His grace! This song by Kari Jobe resonates with my soul...

Your kindness, leads me to repentance
Your goodness, draws me to Your side
Your mercy calls me to be like You
Your favor is my delight
Every day, I'll awaken my praise
And pour out a song from my heart

You are good, You are good, You are good,
And Your mercy is forever
You are good, You are good, You are good,
And Your mercy is forever

Your kindness is forever, Your goodness is forever
Your mercy is forever, forever