Broken Jar

Where to begin... Well, I've been in Central America for about 2 months now. Six days left. This trip has been incredible and full of so much. I have experienced and learned so much. It has been just as much a journey of the soul as a journey of the feet. When I left home, I was unsettled and full of questions. I found what I needed down here. Before I left I was in a way, trying to consolidate myself and make sense of who I had become. When I stopped looking at myself and started looking at God, I gained clarity. One hugely important thing God has pressed on my heart is that He longs for a relationship with me. He doesn't care that I am a complete mess. He wants to be with me in the mess. He is never far away from me. One of my problems is that when I sin and mess up I get the feeling that God is mad or disappointed in me, so I distance myself when I'm not ''perfect.'' Guess what? I AM NOT PERFECT!! So I must remain in God's presence with my unperfect state and allow His love to change me. When I'm doing good: go to God. When I'm doing bad: go to God. And know that I am unconditionally loved by Him. I need Him. And I must allow Him to fulfill my every need instead of turning to other empty things. When I am fulfilled in God my heart is able to be at rest. No more striving--rest.

No more façades, no more masks... the bare, stripped down me. I am what I am; I've done what I've done. But I have also been forgiven and God's love sets me free!

For the past month I've been camped out in 1 John. That book has come alive to me. Three passages that God has spoken to me:

''If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.'' 1 John 1:6

''By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.'' 1 John 2:5-6

''I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.'' 1 John 2:14

I'm now so excited about going home. Not because I'm homesick and not because I'm tired of traveling... because I await a new adventure.

Books that have impacted my journey recently: Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge, The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer, and What Difference Do It Make? by Ron Hall, Denver Moore, and Lynn Vincent