Lovely Sad Eyes

Dear Lovely Sad Eyes,
When I hear you speak, it breaks my heart to hear your pain. I can see your confusion and how you long for clarity and understanding of this life. I see you struggling to put words to all of your emotions inside. Your emotion overflows to tears... You're hurting inside and you want it to stop. You're tired of being used, lied to, and mistreated. These people that do these things, you don't want to cut off. You're afraid of being alone. You love, you give, and are left empty handed. Sometimes, you think the only answer is death. In the darkness, there is light and hope; but you don't see it. You sit in the hall, cry, and there seems to be no answer to this madness. You stop caring what people see. You stop caring. Oh how it hurts my heart. My heart aches for you, and I desperately want to fix your broken world. I want to make the pain go away and the depression end. I can't. But believe me, all is not lost. Even in the shadows, there is a glimmer. You say you're not even sure if you believe in God anymore. You're unsure about religion, Christianity... You don't know what is real. Let me assure you, God is real. Far more real than you know. He is there, waiting for you. He screams your name, wanting you to run into His arms! There is the only answer! He is the only one who heals, restores, mends, loves unconditionally, understands fully, gives peace and joy... He is all you need! If only you could see! If only you could see how much He loves you and just how real He is! You will never be alone; He will always be by your side. He will guide you, protect you, give you wisdom, clarity, and direction. My Lovely, go to Him! Everything will make sense and you will finally understand. He is the Source. He is your breath of fresh air. He alone can replace your sad eyes with joy. Trust Him. I'm praying for you. I love you and I can't wait to see God's great plan for your life unfold.

Dedicated to E.S.

Because of Him

Because of Him, I don't have to walk in darkness
Because of Him, I don't have to live in depression
I don't have to be filled with fear
I don't have to live in insecurity
Because of Him, I don't have to live in shame
Because of Him, I am not alone
I don't have to worry
I don't have to do things on my own

Because of Him, I walk in light
Because of Him, I live in joy
I walk by faith
I live out of who I am in Christ
Because of Him, I live in grace
Because of Him, I have a faithful friend
I have peace
I can rely on the One who has everything figured out

The Grove

So I'm still in shock... I just found out that one of my favorite places is about to close. Yes, The Grove is closing. Friday. And everyone just found out. I know this might sound ridiculous, but The Grove is so much more than a place! I've been going there since it first opened! I've met so many people there-- more than I can count! So many memories have been made there... The Grove is the place that I go when I need to get out of the house, when I want to see friends, when I'm bored, when I need to study, when I want to play cards, when I want to hear good music, when I want to read, when I want to laugh... It's been such a HUGE part of my life! I don't think the reality will even hit until after it closes and I can no longer "go to The Grove." I know you're probably thinking, "Man, she's describing this place as if it were a dying friend." It comes close. It's not about the building, it's about the atmosphere and the people. It's one of the few places I can go where people know my name. It's like a "Grove family." When The Grove first opened up, you could find me there every Saturday night and the place would always be packed. Things haven't changed too much... It may not always be as packed as it was (I think back then it was because we were all just meeting each other and forming new friendships.), but it's still a good hang out on Saturday night. Honestly, it's probably kept me out of a lot of trouble... I know The Grove means so much to so many people. I've had so many great deep conversations with people over coffee there. So many big things have happened there. I even go up there even when it's closed! There have been times when I've sat outside playing cards with friends. Countless times I've stood in the parking lot for hours just talking until we finally decided to leave. I've had Bible studies up there, meetings, and game nights... It's the place where we meet up to go other places and leave our cars. It's the place where my car got jacked up and the wheels taken off! My mind is racing with all the different things that have happened there. I just still can't believe that it's closing. It's extremely sad and The Grove may close, but the memories that I have from that place will always remain. I'm just thankful for the years that I have been able to enjoy The Grove. God has truly blessed us with an awesome coffee shop like The Grove and all the friendships that have been made there. Everyone, please remember to pray for Donnie and all of The Grove staff.

Paper Cuts and Straighteners

A burnt ear, a bad allergy cold, a paper cut on the pinky finger, a fever blister, a broken out face, more paper cuts... What more could I want? haha Maybe a little sympathy... ? Oh poo... And my music appreciation class is absolutely driving me insane!!! I can't wait for it to be over! Oh how I dread that class... People warned me about it, and I like a challenge... but this? I never thought it could be this dreadful. Sorry for the venting... I know it's over petty stuff. All in all, life is pretty amazing. There are some days though... when I just want to stick out my tongue and shake my head!!! Oh well... tomorrow is a new day. :)

One Day I Slowly Floated Away...

So... I leave for New York Friday and I'm totally stoked! I can't wait. I need to get away... I'm going with my mom and Aunt Frances and we're staying at The Wellington. I think it's going to be way above my coolness level... haha

God has been just totally amazing... Well, He's always amazing, but it's just been really cool the past couple weeks at school. He just always has my back and helps me out when I don't even deserve it! He totally makes me smile. :) Bro. John said something in our leaders' meeting this morning that I'd never really thought of quite like this and it blew me away! He was talking about how God knows everything and He knows every thought and action of every person in the past. Every single thing that has ever happened. And! He knows every single word that anyone will ever speak, every thought, every decision that someone makes. He knows it all! How big of a God is that! Bro. John was also talking about how immeasurable He is and His characteristics/attributes cannot be measured. His presence is also inescapable. God is so big and so amazing! It just shows how worthy of praise and surrender He is. I've struggled this week with just being lonely. God is really bringing me through some stuff and I'm so grateful! I just have to keep my focus on Him. It's the only thing that I can do. Focus on Him and look ahead. If there's one aspect of God that means the most to me, it's His faithfulness. He is always faithful to me. I have to remember that and trust Him.

Some verses to ponder:
Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth and put devious speech far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil. Proverbs 4:23-27

I absolutely love my seventh grade girls. I feel like I'm really starting to get to know them better and they are so precious! They are the greatest! Just thought I'd share that... haha

What else... Hmmm... I miss pleasure reading... I've been so busy lately that I've neglected my dear books... It's quite tragic. :( Maybe I can fit some in over fall break... Maybe...

Here's a picture from my babysitting adventures... I think one of the reasons I love babysitting is that I get to expend all of my energy! I can be crazy with the kids and they don't care! haha Any who know me can understand this I'm sure...

'08 Election

I want to encourage everyone to make sure you're registered to vote and start preparing for the '08 election. I think too many of us take this too lightly. Please find out about the candidates and see where they stand on the issues you're concerned about. Don't just go by what you hear or even what I say, find out for yourselves. Another thing, please don't decide who you will vote for just by who you "relate to," who you "like," or who you think has the best campaign. Find out what the candidates stand for, what their history has been, and what they are likely to do once in office. You have a voice in the government of our country and the direction it takes. Don't think your vote doesn't count; it does.

Here are some links regarding the election that you may want to check out:

http://www.frcaction.org/

http://www.citizenlink.org/citizenmag/

http://elections.foxnews.com/

http://www.wrecradio.com/cc-common/political/

http://www.desotoms.com/index.htm

http://yallpolitics.com/index.php/yp/post/senator_merle_flowers_praises_john_mccains_speech/

If you haven't already registered to vote, here's some information on how to register. The county circuit clerk is the voter registrar for the county. To register, you can go to the clerk's office at City Hall or mail in the application. You can obtain a mail-in voter registration form by printing from a .pdf file from this link: voter registration form. Mail-in voter registration forms are also available in many public libraries.

* Mail-in voter registration forms must be returned to your circuit clerk by mailing them or by hand delivering them to your circuit clerk’s office. A mailed voter registration form must be postmarked at least 30 days before the election. The deadline for registering in person is also 30 days before the election, which in fact is the last working day before the 30 day deadline. The mailing address to the circuit clerk's office is:

Desoto County Courthouse
Circuit Court Clerk
2535 Highway 51 South
Hernando, MS 38632

Phone: 662-429-1325

* If you are submitting a mail-in voter registration form by mail to register to vote for the first time in a county, you should submit with your application a copy of current and valid photo identification. If you do not provide a copy of identification, you may be asked to provide identification the first time you vote after registering.

* College students residing away from home while at school essentially have the option of either registering in the county where they are living while attending school or registering using the address of their parents or legal guardian.

JesusBranded.com

I want to tell you about an awesome website called JesusBranded.com. The website has great t-shirts and clothing! The clothes have amazing artistic designs that all have a Biblical message behind them. I have two shirts from JesusBranded and I absolutely love them! You should definitely check 'em out! I support JesusBranded because the people behind it have a heart for God and desire to see Him furthered. Not to mention their t-shirts are pretty sweet... :) A part of their profit goes to missions in India too. Visit TheOrphanageProject.com to find out more about a vision for children in India. JesusBranded is pretty cool, so I think you should probably go check 'em out... Absolutely! So go do it!






Christian T-Shirts

When do boys become men?

I just have to get this off my chest... I'm so tired of boys. Bad ones, ones with no ambition, inconsistent, no integrity, followers, no leadership... those kinds of boys more specifically. What's the deal??? I'm totally content with where I am right now and perfectly happy being single. That's not the point. I just wish there were more guys out there to STEP UP AND BE A MAN! A man recklessly pursuing God, that doesn't care about what the world says, is totally in love with God, a man of integrity in a world of decaying morals, a man bold about his faith, a spiritual leader who challenges those around him.... That's the kind of guy I long to see. Yes, they're out there, but right now they just seem so few. Once again, I'm not saying this because I'm desperate to date right now. I'm having a blast just kickin' it with me and Jesus-- my lover. I just wish the guys could see the type of guy that they could be. The type of guys that I totally admire... ;)

Camp OutRAGE 2008

Youth camp was absolutely amazing! I had such an awesome time. This was my first year to go as a leader and God totally blew my mind! It far exceeded my expectations! I had an wonderful group of girls-- Sierra, Madison, Kaitlyn, and Katie. They are so beautiful and have such sweet spirit! I loved watching God work in their lives. Kaitlyn and Katie both gave their lives to Christ at the beginning of the week! God is so good! I had so much fun with them. God blessed me so much just to be a part of that week with them. I feel so unworthy to even be a leader, but I know God has placed me here for a reason. Every night at worship, God's presence could be felt so strongly. One night, with my eyes closed, I stopped singing and just listened to the sound of God's children worshipping. It was overwhelming. During worship while we were singing "Our God Reigns" I started thinking about the fact that God does reign and He will always reign over everything. Regardless of the world leaders, future presidents, or major events that take place in this world-- OUR GOD REIGNS!!! We don't have to worry or be anxious about what is to come because God is on His throne, He is in control, He is sovereign, He sees the big picture, and has a wonderfully crafted plan!

These are some notes from Ryan Fontenot's talk that really impacted me:

Is Jesus worth it?

• Your life?


• Your love?


• Your loyalty?


• Your hopes?


• Your dreams?


• Your future?

Is He worth your today, tomorrow, next year, college career, job, social life, every moment?

Matt. 16:24-27 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds."

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Glimmers

Yesterday I went to the post office to mail a book. I got a box, stepped in line, and began to package my book while waiting. I started to tape up the box, but I was having a little trouble. It probably didn't help that I had a sucker in my mouth. An elderly gentleman was behind me and stepped up to help me. He held the box while I taped. We got it all done and he complimented me on my skill... haha Then I got out my Sharpie to write the address on the box and realized that the address was on the packing slip INSIDE THE BOX! The man just laughed at me and opened the box with his pocket knife... I may not be the sharpest crayon in the box all the time, but moments like that just make me smile. Just to know that there are still such wonderful, kind, caring people out there who help simply because they can makes me so happy. We need to see these glimmers in the dark...

Watermelon

Yesterday afternoon I went to visit my friend Ms. Clara. She is an 81 year old widow and such an awesome woman. We have the absolute best conversations. She makes me smile so much! She always has a story to tell, even if I've heard it five times. :) She was a midwife and raised 12 kids (several of them adopted). She has so much knowledge, wisdom, and a precious love for God. I love going to see her. We just sit and talk, and talk... She is so encouraging and knows the Bible so well! She'll say, "You know in Mark (or wherever), when it talks about..." I'm so thankful that God has placed her in my life. She has the greatest sense of humor too! She is always crackin' me up! She's very blunt about everything. Every time I leave her house, she always apologizes for talking so much, but I don't mind and I know she gets lonely. Yesterday she said that she would just love to have some fresh watermelon. She asked, "How much are watermelons these days?" I laughed and said I wasn't sure. (I don't like watermelon.)

I love to read. I get overwhelmed though by all the books that I want to read, knowing that I'll never be able to read them all... I read fiction and non-fiction. Someone the other day was telling me that they don't like to read fiction because they don't learn anything from it and feel like it's wasting time. I told them that I highly disagree! That may be true for some books, but when I read fiction I know that my imagination grows and I'm working my mind! One of the things I love about Stephen Lawhead, Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker's writing is the beautiful parallels of spiritual things. When I read This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness I started to get a grasp on what the Bible means when it says in Ephesians, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." Fiction certainly helps me to picture and understand different Biblical concepts. I just finished Black, Red, and White by Ted Dekker and they are amazing! They talk about this "great romance" between a man and woman and also between us and God. In the books they talk about how romantic love between man and woman simply mirrors the love between us and God. He pursues us, protects us, and woos us to Himself... It is only because of His love for us that we are able to in turn give love. These books paint such a magnificent picture of this! Needless to say, I don't believe fiction is a waste of time. :)

So I started Beth Moore's Bible study Daniel. It is amazing, so awesome! God is teaching me so much and I'm loving it! Sunday I was watching a session on DVD and she started talking about how God's Kingdom will one day reign on earth. She said that she believes He will literally reign on earth, and that's how I always understood it. The more she talked about it, the more excited I got! Just to imagine what it will be like gives me chills! And to think that it will be so much better than what I can comprehend! I've thought about all the cool fantasy worlds from books that I've wished to be a part of and I know it's going to be way cooler than that!!! It blows my mind! I can't wait!

I've been told that I'm too picky when it comes to guys. Nineteen years old and never had a boyfriend... Crazy right? haha Maybe I am picky... but I won't settle. Over and over I have to give this area of my life to God and ask Him to take control. It's only by God's grace that I am where I am today. I know all of the characteristics and things that I so desire to find in a guy and I know how much I want that. So as much as I want that, I started thinking about how I want to be everything that my future husband desires. I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman and honor my husband all the days of my life. As Leona Lewis so beautifully sings, "I will be... all that you want."

Expectant Dreamer

God is absolutely amazing. I say that all the time, but I will never fully grasp the hugeness and bigness of His amazingness! haha There is so much freedom when we give our lives to Him. When we let things go-- situations, circumstances, control, thoughts, burdens-- there is so much freedom! We no longer have to worry about it! It's in His hands. I never get anywhere trying to accomplish things on my own. I get so mad and fustrated with myself. Sometimes I feel like I never learn anything and I want to leave myself! But God doesn't give up on me! He doesn't look at my past, my mistakes, or my future mistakes. He looks at me where I am right now and says, "I have faith in you. We can do this. Trust me." What a beautiful God...

I'm a dreamer. There are so many things that I want to do! So many dreams! I want to travel the world, I want to speak different languages, experience different cultures, love people, make a difference with my life, serve, give... I want to adopt kids, I want to live with only what I need and give the rest away, I want to rebel against the world and make them wonder... haha "O God, make me into the woman that you want me to be! Teach me and give me wisdom!"

"People are hungry for God. People are hungry for love. Are we aware of that? Do we know that? Do we see that? Do we have eyes to see? Quite often we look but we don’t see. We need to open our eyes and see."

"We must know that we have been created for greater things, not just to be a number in the world, not just to go for diplomas and degrees, this work and that work. We have been created in order to love and to be loved."
-Mother Teresa

Surrender

Living, trying to do things on your own, neglecting to spend time in God's Word, praying only out of necessity rather than desire, falling into distraction... That describes my life this past month. I've been trying to figure out why I've been in such terrible, depressed moods and all of the little rocks in my path seem so much bigger... And I realize why. It's because I haven't been seeking God like I should, I haven't been surrendering to him daily, asking Him to guide each day and each decision... Last night as I was talking to a friend, all of these things came out. We were about to watch a movie and instead we talked and then ended up praying together for about half an hour. It was exactly what I needed most. I just needed to talk to my God. He is so full of grace and patience that I can't even begin to understand. When all I want is to be held, He holds me. I so easily lose sight that He is all I need. He is all I need and more than enough. So this mornin' me and Jesus just chilled at the house. I dug into His Word, He redirected my focus, and showed me truth. Everyday, I am called to surrender to Him. When I fail to do so, that's when I slip and stumble. I'm so tired of being sick and tired... I need something new, something fresh... I know that God has so much more for me if only I will walk in obedience and submission to Him. He is so worthy of my everything. His ways are so much better than mine. His ways are perfect, without flaw. Oh, if only I would trust Him more... Sometimes I wonder if I will ever grow up; however, I know God has brought me so far even when I can't see it.

Philippians 1:6
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14
Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet, but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

This is going to be random.

So far, this summer has been good. I'm a little sad that I'm not going out of the country, but I'll make it... I may be going to Poland in the fall, so hopefully that will work out. Just a little note here: Girls are stupid. Most of the battles we fight are in our heads and a lot of it is based on presumptions. We over analyze everything. Or at least I do... I think constantly. Sometimes I just wish my mind could rest. I guess that's why I sleep. Anyhow, I started writing an autobiography. I haven't gotten that far, but I'm excited. I'm going to insert my journal entries into it. I'm sure it will take a while to finish and I don't know if I'll share it with people. It's mainly for me. So... I'm definitely going to experience some different things this summer. I won't say specifically what they are, but it's going to be fun and stretching at the same time. I'm tired of being in a bubble and I want to break out. I long to love and serve. I'm tired of the same routine.

Yesterday I found out something that made me so happy. A while back, a couple that had been married for 10 years had a big disagreement, separated, and planned to get a divorce. Every month I would see each of them separately. They are both sweet people and after I would see one of them I would always say that I just wished things could have worked out. I think that they would be so good together. Well, yesterday I saw the man and we were talking. He said that he had just gotten back from a week of traveling out west. When asked who he went with, he said "with a little lady." Then I asked who the "little lady" was. He replied, "the one I'm married to." I was like, "oh boy..." and then he said that he and his wife had never gotten a divorce. He jokingly said that they just never could afford it. He said things are going to work out and that love is an awesome thing. It absolutely made my day! I just love happy endings! That's how things are supposed to work out... Couples are supposed to last forever, work through problems and disagreements, and love selflessly. They are supposed to grow old together. I know it's not a perfect world, but that was an amazing glimer of hope.

Cling to Him

“Cling to me.” Those are God’s words to me that I hear over and over again. “Cling to me. Trust me. Let me be your everything. Let me alone be enough.” I get so tired of messing up over and over again. It seems like God should be so frustrated with me right now! I know I am! I know what God has spoken to me; I know He’s always right. So then tell me, why do I keep following my flesh and messing up? I know the answer. It’s my sin nature… It’s what constantly reminds me that I am in desperate need of a Savior. I need Him to love me. I am weak and I have to rely completely on His strength. My God is faithful. Always. Right when I think that I’m starting to trust Him, He reveals to me another area of my life that I need to lay down before Him. He points His gentle finger to a piece that I still hold in my grasp and says, “I want that too. Do you trust me? Do you trust that I can give you way better than you could ever imagine? Will you allow me to have control? Have I not already shown you how much I love you and desire the absolute best for you? I know you’re afraid, but trust me. I promise it will be worth it. You will never regret it.” God continues to teach me more and more about Himself. He is full of grace, love, compassion, trustworthiness. He longs to protect, provide, and sustain. I believe that when my heart starts to wonder away and my desire for God begins to fade, it is because I lose sight of His worthiness, His greatness, His complete brilliance and astounding power! I forget how worthy He is of my everything. God wants to bless me so richly and take me into incredible things, but I must be obedient to Him. I have to trust Him and give Him everything I have. Every part. I have to follow the things that He has told me and allow Him to guide me. I have to lay aside my selfish will and ambition. I have to burn my idols and love God with all of my heart, mind, and soul. I must place Him above everything. Yes, I will fail, and God knows that, but that is when He tenderly reaches down with an outstretched arm, picks me up and dusts me off and says, “Okay, try again. I’m here helping you. You are not alone. We’re working on this together.” My relationship with God is above everything else I could ever imagine!

Deuteronomy 11:8-17; 13:4“You shall therefore keep every commandment which I am commanding you today, so that you may be strong and go in and possess the land into which you are about to cross to possess it; so that you may prolong your days on the land which the Lord swore to your fathers to give to them and their descendants, a land flowing with milk and honey. For the land, into which you are entering to possess it, is not like the land of Egypt from which you came, where you used to sow your seed and water it with your foot like a vegetable garden. But the land into which you are about to cross to possess it, a land of hills and valleys, drinks water from the rain of heaven, a land for which the Lord your God cares; the eyes of the Lord your God are always on it, from the beginning even to the end of the year. It shall come about, if you listen obediently to my commandments which I am commanding you today, to love the Lord your God and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul, that He will give the rain for your land in its season, the early and late rain, that you may gather in your grain and your new wine and your oil…. Beware that your hearts are not deceived, and that you do not turn away and serve other gods and worship them. Or the anger of the Lord will be kindled against you, and He will shut up the heavens so that there will be no rain and the ground will not yield its fruit; and you will perish quickly from the good land which the Lord is giving you.”

“You shall follow the Lord your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him.”

Confessions of a Hypocrite

Hypocrite. Sounds so negative... It's something I have always so strongly opposed and something I've stood on my soap box about. I'm always pushing for being real, genuine, not being afraid of being different, anticonformity... It's something I've been all about... It's been so scary realizing that I've started to see some of that in me. It started to creep up and once I saw it, it hurt. Hurt bad. Not me... that's not me. I couldn't allow myself to act different than I am... But I did. I put on a different face for those that I was around. Why though? What for? I thought I had left this... So now the question is... Will I allow it to continue or will I go back to what I know is true? Will I be confident in who I am and not put on a facade to try to appear differently? Will I live out of who God says I am and allow that to be enough? Will I stand strong against temptation and selfish ambition? Will I trust God? Not just trust in Him... trust Him. Will I be real? I choose to be real and live out of who God says I am and trust Him. It's not always easy, but I know God is going to help me with this struggle. He's always got my back and I am so thankful for His grace! For His unconditional love. He never runs out of second chances for me, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever learn... "Lord, never let me get comfortable with where I am and please keep speaking to me and shaping me. Even though it may hurt, continue to mold me."

"You will ask me, are you satisfied? Have you got all you want? God forbid. With the deepest feeling of my soul I can say that I am satisfied with Jesus now; but there is also the conciousness of how much fuller the revelation can be of the exceeding abundance of His grace. Let us never hesitate to say, this is only the beginning."

- Andrew Murray

"Trust Me, my child," He says. "Trust Me with a fuller abandon than you ever have before. Trust me, as minute succeeds minute, every day of your life, for as long as you live. And if you become conscious of anything hindering our relationship, do not hurt Me by turning away from Me. Draw all the closer to Me, come, run to Me. Allow me to hide you, to protect you, even from yourself. Tell Me your deepest cares, your every trouble. Trust Me to keep My hand upon you. I will never leave you. I will shape you, mold you, and perfect you. Do not fear, O child of My love, do not fear. I love you."

- Amy Carmichael

Sin.

Sin. When we sin, we are no longer trusting that what God says or what He has for us is better. We are settling for selfish, temporary desires. Most of the time wanting instant gratification. One thing I am learning more and more about is God's grace. Something I heard at BSU a while back was this: People say that when Christ justified us it was "just as if we had never sinned." Well... God did wash us white as snow, but yet He saw our sin and yet chose to love us anyway. He saw our sin, knew we would fail and fail again, but still chose to sacrifice Himself for us. And because of that we are no longer in condemnation! I have heard it said many times that sometimes the reason we cannot hear God's voice is because there is sin in our life. That may be true sometimes, but if so... I don't know if I would ever hear God's voice! That puts the focus on our sin and it's like we have to "fix" our sin in order to be right with God. It's almost like we go back to before we were saved. We're trying to do something to get to God when He has already made the way. God has already made us right with Him! He wants to work on our sin with us! This gets back to the whole trusting God thing that I've been learning from the book TrueFaced. Sin is a problem, but we have to stop trying in our own power and realize that no matter how many times we try to overcome sin on our own, we can't. "Sin... confess... do better for a while, then sin again. Embarrassment, confess again, ask God to take away the desire, then sin again, confess again, sin again, confess again, shock, more determination to stop sinning, think about it a lot, examine it. Make promises, create some boundaries, and sin again, now even worse than before. Despair, anger, shame, distance from God, guilt. Self-condemnation, self-loathing... sin again. Disillusionment, doubt, self-pity, anger." (TrueFaced) It is only when we admit that we need God's grace and that it is only in His power and His strength that we can overcome it. We have to trust that God has already sanctified us and live out of who He says we are. Wow... I think a lot of this is coming straight from the book. But the more I've thought it through and soaked in it, the more it makes so much sense.

Pride.

Pride. This is such a struggle for so many, but yet it is something so many of us ignore. We think “Prideful? Not me.” But oh yeah… Without even realizing it, pride will creep up on me. It will start in just little thoughts and comparisons of myself with others. This is one thing that hinders me from completely loving others unconditionally, seeing them as Christ sees them, and treating them as better than myself.

2 Corinthians 3:4-5
“Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God…”

Last year at Passion ’07 Beth Moore told the story of when Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. (John 13:3-5) She made a statement that has really stuck with me. She said, “Realize your identity and respond with humility.” We have to realize who we are in Christ. Christ has sanctified us and we are His adopted children. We are children of the King! We are royalty, saints, loved by the God of the universe! But yet, we must respond in humility as Christ did. He was the one who should have been getting His feet washed. But instead it was He who painted such a beautiful picture of humility by humbling Himself and becoming a servant. And then He ultimately humbled Himself by coming to earth to die on a cross with criminals. He was God! King of the Earth! We have to live by His wonderful example. We must love one another and always put others before ourselves. Forget about rights, fairness, or what you deserve. We must give until there is nothing left. John 13:34-35 says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Ephesians 2:3-8
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

1 Peter 5:5-7
You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

When we humble ourselves, then we get closer to God.

Singleness. Dependence. Humility. Desire for God. Trust. The Will of God.

Singleness. Dependence. Humility. Desire for God. Trust. The Will of God. These are all things I am experiencing and God is teaching me about them. It is so amazing how although these things are different, they also tie together.

Singleness. I am single right now for a reason. I believe singleness is a gift from God. Right now I need to be taking advantage of every moment I have. God has placed this time in my life where I can experience undistracted devotion to God. Right now my focus should be on the things I know that God has for me. Right now it is serving Him, learning from Him, pouring into others, and seeking Him with all that I have. Singleness is not a restraint. 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 says, “...This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.” This time of singleness should be spent seeking God, serving Him, and preparing ourselves for our future spouse. As for dating... I don't think it's all bad, but I do think it should be extremely thought through. I know that until I am completely satisfied in Christ and I stop focusing on “where that boy is...” God is not going to bring him into my life.

Proverbs 31:10-12 “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” This admirable woman does her husband good every day of her life! Not just after marriage, but while she is single! Even before I meet my husband, I am to honor him. This means that when I view any guy I should be mindful of my future husband, whoever he may be. I should view other guys as someone’s potential husband and conduct myself in an honorable manner. Not that I don’t already strive to do this, but it gives me a huge reason and motivation for doing so.

Dependence. This is where I am able to give praise to God! Yes, I am very tired right now and at sometimes just a little stressed. But guess what? God knows! And he is so faithful to be my strength, support, and help! Several times this week, He has surprised me by helping me out with things when I thought I would have to do it all. He reminds me that I need Him. I can’t breathe without Him. God is so amazing… One thing I struggle with is self-sufficiency, thinking that I can do things all on my own, that I don’t need anyone. Sometimes it’s hard to rely on people or ask for help. I feel bad if I ask because I think I should do it all on my own. I don’t know why I find myself thinking like this. It is so untrue. God is teaching me about dependency on Him and Him alone.

Second Corinthians 4:7 says, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves.” The treasure spoken of in this verse is God within us…. The NIV translation calls us “jars of clay.” God wants us and the world to know that the treasure, the power and everything good that flows out of our lives come from Him, not from us. The jar of clay cannot produce water in and of itself; it can only be used to pour out what it has been filled with. God’s treasures flow out of us as we depend upon Him, the source of all good things. (Dependence upon the Lord by K.P. Yohannan)

As a Christ-follower, God is the one pouring into me. I have to go to Him to be filled. So when I am weary, He is the one to fill me up. Total dependence. This thought flows right into humility.

Humility. Before recently, I thought that humility is me saying, “Oh, how lowly am I! I am no better than the scum on the pond!” Okay, that was an exaggeration… But still, humility has been thought of as just thinking of yourself without worth.

We sometimes fool ourselves by thinking we are being humble when we see ourselves in all our failure and repugnancy…. But that inaccurate self-depreciation proves just the opposite. Indeed, in God’s eyes this behavior exhibits not humility, but pride. Why? Because we are trusting our own assessment of ourselves and taking credit for our relative goodness. We are denying God’s longing to be our goodness, our power, our ability, our strength, our healing, and our truth. (TrueFaced by Thrall, McNicol, & Lynch)

The focus is should not be on you. Instead, humility is realizing who you are in Christ and responding humbly. Humility is realizing that we can do nothing of our own, that we are fully dependent on God, realizing that only by God’s amazing grace are we saved, that God has saved the wretch that I am, sanctified me, and declared me as righteous, without condemnation. Humility is living in the reality of what I am, who Christ says I am, and being fully dependent on Him. Christ was a perfect example of humbleness.

John 13:3-5 "Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded."

He was King of All, but yet chose to be the least among men. We have nothing except that which is given to us. Our Heavenly Father has given us much and we are to respond with humility, realizing from whom it has been given. This is something we have to repeatedly learn.

Desire for God. We should desire God more than anything else in all creation. After all, He created creation. We should want God and nothing else. When you know God, everything pales in comparison. He should be our ultimate source of satisfaction. We should be so completely consumed and satisfied in Him alone. With God, we have everything. Nothing else will ever compare. I know this. I have seen this displayed time and time again in my life. Yet, there are sometimes when simply do not desire God. But I have learned that in those times, I shouldn’t try to cover up how I feel. I must be honest with myself and God. I have thought that if I don’t “feel” like I desire God then it is my job to muster it all up and grow my passion for God on my own. This is not true. I can’t say to God, “God, I desire you more than anything else! Please take me deeper!” if that is not true! You can’t lie to God! He sees right through it! He knows exactly how you feel so there is no use to hide it. Instead, you must say, “God, I don’t really desire you right now. In fact, there are other things that I want more than you right now. But I know that you are the only one that will ever satisfy me and bring me true joy. Please bring me to that place. Give me a great desire for you! Light the fire within me and help me to seek you with all that I am! I admit that I am weak! Be my strength.” I believe that God is okay with us telling Him that. Besides, He already knows what we are feeling. And I believe God will also answer our prayer. You see, when we admit that we cannot desire God on our own or muster it all up ourselves; it proves our dependence on God and our need for Him! It takes the focus off of us and places it on Him! It is so hard to wrap my mind around this concept. (Intimacy with God by Francis Chan)

Trust. This is something my mind has just begun to scratch the surface of and understand. I've always… well maybe not always… but I've known the importance of how everything is always about God's glory and honor. It's all about His fame and renown. So… in turn, I've thought the most important thing is for my life to honor and please God. That everything I do honor God. I've worried about making the right choices and doing the right things so that I will please God. My main focus should not be pleasing God; instead, it should be trusting God. Pleasing God is all about what we can do for God. The focus then is on us. Trusting God is about relying on God's strength, knowing that we are too weak to do anything on our own. Then, the focus is all on God. When we trust God, we honor Him. It is not about what I can do. It is about what Christ has done and who he has made me; then living out of that reality. Christ has already made the payment for my sin. I have already been redeemed and declared as righteous! I have to trust God with who I am. I must trust Him with my life, my future, everything. I can not be living out of who others say I am or have declared me to be in times past. I have to trust God when He says that I am truly without condemnation! When He says that I am free from all judgment and that I am accepted completely! And no matter what I do will change that. I have to live out of who God, the Giver of Life and Creator of all, has declared me to be! Then I am free to live for Him. No longer striving to please God on my own or make Him happy with me. He is already pleased and delighted with me! It is the most freeing thought! If only I could really grasp this!!! Trust. It is a learning process…

The Will of God. I have thought before that God's will is very specific and if I blink then I might just miss it. But our God is a HUGE God! Why would His will be so small? What if there is a fork in the road and both ways could actually take you where God wants you? What if there were actually options and you get to choose without fear of missing the big picture? What if God was that big? My God is big. There are three aspects of God's will. His providential will: What God is going to do regardless of my choices or involvement. His moral will: Things that God has already made clear that are right and wrong. And… His personal will: personal decisions and plans for my life. Andy Stanley says, "The more familiar you are with the providential will of God, and the more surrendered you are to the moral will of God, the easier it will be to discover the personal will of God for your life." This makes more and more sense the more you soak it all in. Something else… We will not be able to hear God's "yes" until we are willing to hear God's "no."